I Get Off On Freak Like Me
by sxevlbtch
Summary: Two-shot...slightly AU. Set after the events of the big damn movie, the crew of Serenity is enjoying a night in a bar on a backwater moon. River has turned 18 recently and has been "reading" things from a certain hired gun...
1. I Get Off On

AN: While I was working on A Firefly Among Monsters I had a plot bunny give me a carrot, and while it didn't fit in that universe, I couldn't not explore it as a two-shot. It's similar to my other short story She Smelled Like 2am, so there will be no Riddick in this (sorry to disappoint), but will play with my version of River and Jayne. As always reviews are appreciated, and I don't own the characters or song lyrics, I just like to borrow them.

xxx

River's POV

"Whiskey- three fingers neat." She tells the man behind the bar.

"Sugar, you old enough for that?" He asks her.

She shoots the man her usual look...the look she gives Simon or Mal when they doubt her...

"Old enough." She says as she throws out her newly printed counterfeit ident-card. It was a present from herself for her 18th birthday...of course she added a few years.

"Whiskey neat for the lady." The bar tender says as he hands back her card.

He slides her the glass and she leaves the credits for the drink on the bar as she nods her head in thanks.

She turns away from the bar and looks out into the room...the rest of the crew are milling about.

Zoe is sitting at a back booth with Kaylee and Simon...she can hear fragments of their conversation floating in and out of her head... engines...dinosaurs...baby names...she can feel the warmth of Zoe's thoughts as she lovingly touches her stomach... if only Wash could have known...

Mal and Inara are in another booth, a little further away, with enough shadows for the two of them to feel as if they have some privacy.

...and Jayne...ah Jayne...he's standing near the replica earth that was record player...there's a painted lady standing near him...but the girl can feel his thoughts are subconsciously elsewhere...they are thinking of long legs and combat boots...

She smirks a little...it's nothing new... his thoughts have been drifting more and more frequently as of late...ever since she turned 18...

She pounds her drink as she feels the last traces of Jayne previous thought...

"Bar tender...another." She says as she stares across the room at Jayne.

The bartender brings her another whiskey and she doesn't even glance behind her as she leaves the credits and picks up the drink...she hasn't stopped looking at Jayne...

The previous song ends and she hears a familiar beat begin to play...

**_...You don't know that I know  
You watch me every night..._**

She doesn't know if its her steady gaze or his years as a tracker but he turns and looks at her as she continues to stare.

**_...And I just can't resist the urge  
To stand here in the light..._**

_"...what are you looking at Mooney..." _she hears in his mind. It was a neat trick that they had developed for jobs since Zoe could no longer go on jobs with her pregnancy.

She tips her drink at him and pounds her drink. He gives her a questioning look and she turns back to the bar. She's tired of this little charade of his...

**_...Your greedy eyes upon me  
And then I come undone..._**

"Bartender! Two for me and my friend." She says as she feels Jayne walk up behind her.

"What the hell are you playing at Mooney." He all but hisses at her as he comes up behind her.

The bar tender places the two drinks in front of her now and she drops the credits for him as he does. She takes a glass and hands it to Jayne.

"Drink with her." She says.

**_...I could close the curtain  
But this is too much fun..._**

He doesn't take the drink so she shrugs a little and pounds the drink in her hands. She sees a twitch of anger in his eyes...his jaw tightening...

"You intend to get piss drunk little girl?" Jayne asks with a gruff tone.

She smirks. "Do you intend to ever do what you think about?"

"What the hell are you going on about Moon-brain."

She all but glares now. "You know what she is...you love to use this knowledge when it suits you...but you never think that she might hear other things...things you may not realize..."

His eyes widen a fraction...barely enough for her to notice...

**_...There's so much left unspoken  
Between the two of us..._**

She steps closer to him now...she breathes in and can smell the metal of his weapons, the gunpowder from his cleaning his guns earlier...

"She sees your dreams...feels everything you do to her in them...every touch you leave..." She says as she stands up on her tiptoes to whisper in his ear.

**_...It's so much more exciting  
To look when you can't touch..._**

He grabs her upper arm rather harshly now...his anger at being called out seeps through every pore...

"You sure you want to bring this up?" Jayne all but growls.

**_...You could say I'm different  
Maybe I'm a freak..._**

"What's the matter Ape man...embarrassed? Or maybe Jayne is a girl's name after all."

His grip tightens on her even more now...she will have finger sized bruised in the morning.

He says nothing and after a while her eyes narrow at him. "Fine...if you won't do anything..." She says as she wrenches her arm free. "...She is sure that someone here will."

She turns and walks away now, leaving a momentarily stunned Jayne in her wake. She gets three steps before she feels him pull her back. He doesn't turn her around, he leans down and whispers darkly into her ear.

"You are playing a dangerous game."

**_...But I know how to twist you  
To bring you to your knees..._**

She turns around now...a cheshire cat smile on her mouth. **_"What you don't know...What you can't see...I get off on you...Getting off on me."_**

XXX

AN: Oh what is Jayne going to do with that information I wonder, will it push him over his limit? Or will River take control...stay tuned to see what happens.


	2. Freak Like Me

"We are taking this elsewhere...now." He growls as he grabs her and hauls her towards the stairs.

She smirks, and lets him lead her...she's pushed his buttons and she wants to see how far he will take it.

He had rented a room in hopes of getting a painted lady to service him..in another effort to get his mind off the girl..he didn't expect for her to push his buttons.

She can see the wheels in his head turning...Her adrenaline is building in her veins... she can almost taste his anger now.

He doesn't like being called out...feels he has to put up a front...he intends to lecture the girl...well she has other plans.

He quickly yanks the door to the room he rented open. He all but pushes her inside the darkened room as he turns and locks the door behind him. She can still hear the music from downstairs in the bar playing...

There is a small overhead light that is flickering, giving the bay a slightly yellow glow. She starts stretching her arms for the fight that is about to ensue...

Jayne is cracking his knuckles behind her, every inch of him tensing for her to push him that little extra bit.

She turns and looks at him now, her head bent slightly to the left.

"Now what in fuckin' hell were you going on about downstairs." He says with slight menace in his voice.

She walks towards him...resolved to push him that extra little bit he needs.

"She knows...knows what you do." She says as she traces her fingers down his stomach.

He doesn't react so she moves in a little closer. "Knows you want to taste her...touch her...fuck her." She all but purrs.

"Your a gorram 17..." but before he can say anything more she backhands him across the face.

"Wrong...care to try again?' She says.

He doesn't wait after that and backhands her with his forearm. He connects and sends her flying backwards into the dresser behind her. She catches her breath and tastes blood in her mouth...she smiles at him.

"18...you all failed to notice. Just hear me out...she doesn't want to hurt you...much."

"Hell you won't get the chance moon-brain." He says.

Her eyes darken now...she can tell he is egging her on...wants her but is still fighting it. "Yes, I will." She says as she launches at him again as the music from downstairs changes to the next song.

**_...I'm on the train that's pullin the sick and twisted,  
Makin the most of the ride before we get arrested..._**

She plants her foot into his stomach and then spins, away. He catches her leg and uses it against her to bring her back towards him. She is knocked to the floor in the process. He grabs her other leg now but she kicks at his face and he loosens his grip. She rights herself and grabs a decorative vase and smashes it against him.

**_...We're all wasted,  
And we're not going home tonight..._**

It phases him for a minute. But he quickly tackles her and pins her to the wall. She manages to grab his balls and his eyes squeeze shut in pain...the memories of the incident at the maiden head playing in his memories.

**_...Covered in black we lack the social graces,  
Just like an animal we crawl out of our cages..._**

She smiles and pushes him off of her...and onto the bed. She quickly pounces on top of him and produces one of her many concealed knives and holds hit to his throat...

**_...They can't tame us,  
So if you're one of us, get on the bus..._**

"Admit it." She commands.

"Fuck you crazy, get this thing off my neck!"

Her gaze hardens now...such a stubborn man. "Admit it!" She presses down on the knife a little but also grinds her pelvis into his groin.

She can feel the slight wave of pleasure rolling off of him now.

"Fuckin' hell FINE! I had thoughts on you."

She releases the knife, but the minute she does he flips her over him and quickly pins her to the bed with his body.

"Now it's your fuckin' turn." He growls at her from above.

The only response he gets is the self satisfied smirk on her lips though.

"What were you on about down there." He demands.

"Which part...the drinks or her admission?"

"All of it!" He barks at her.

**_...We're underground but we will not surrender,  
We're gonna give them something to remember, yeah..._**

"She drinks for various reasons...to numb the sharpness of everyone else's minds...to feel her own body more than others...as for her admission...well..."

She chuckles lightly now and thats when she feels it...feels his arousal growing...he wants to hear her say it...for his own pleasure...he wants to hear his fantasy...his dream...admit what he never thought would happen...

"She is mentally consumed with sick visions of violence, mayhem, and sex...all of them are with you."

**_...So write your name in gasoline,  
And set that shit on fire..._**

"What makes you think that would be a turn on to me crazy?" he says with a sneer.

She knows he's testing her...he wants to see how fucked up Mal's little princess really is before he lays his cards on the table so to speak.

"Because you're a freak like me...we both think of violence as foreplay...you tie her up...she pins you down...and while I am crazy, I don't pretend to be otherwise...you like it...you like that she fights and drinks...and you hope she fucks as good too."

**_...So shout if you're a freak like me,  
Don't apologize..._**

He studies her. "I won't kiss you on the mouth."

She smiles. "Copper for a kiss..you want more...you'll pay with a kiss." She says matter of fact.

His eyes narrow before his lips come crashing down on hers. He tastes of whiskey, sweat, and blood...and what starts out as a luke warm kiss seems to ignite an inferno in him...all of her skin feels on fire...when they actually break to breath she smiles...

"See, that wasn't so hard was it?" She says with satisfaction.

"Shut up crazy." He says before his lips silence her again...except this time their hands begin ripping at each others clothes... her dress is quickly discarded over her head, the same with his shirt...their hands roaming all over each other...leaving bloody welts in the wake of nails scratching each others skin...its animalistic.

She starts to fumble with his belt and he quickly moves her hands out of the way and undoes it as she slips her underwear off. As soon as both of them are naked they attack each other with hungry kisses again.

**_...They can't hold you down,  
You were born to rise!  
It's our time now to come out..._**

She's wet from anticipation by the time he finally decides to start teasing her with his hands. She moans into his ear at his touch.

"Gorramit crazy..you're gonna drive me insane if you keep that up."

She bites his lip on their next kiss and when she finally releases she smiles up at him. "Sane is boring."

He sits up now on the edge of the bed and immediately grabs her so she straddles him. He tenses as her wetness hits his groin. She grinds her hips a little until he can't take it anymore and he quickly moves to where he slides into her.

She closes her eyes as she gets accustomed to him stretching her inner walls...he waits until she looks at him with pleading eyes before he begins to thrust into her.

**_...If you're a freak like me..._**

It's wild..raw...and untamed after that...neither one of them slowing down. Her nails are beginning to draw blood where they sink into the skin of his shoulder blades...his fingers will leave black and blue bruises on her hips where he's grabbing her. Both of them are damn near exhausted by the time they both climax.

Jayne flops back onto the bed and the girl falls beside him. Both are panting. He turns to look at her after a few minutes and she smiles before she punches him in the face. He's stunned for a moment, but soon he smiles and pulls her towards him...ready for round two.

**_...If you're a freak like me..._**

XXX

...Elsewhere...

"Has anyone seen River? or Jayne for that matter?" Mal asks as he and Inara walk up to the table where Zoe, Simon, and Kaylee sit.

All of the women around the table steal glances at each other and begin to chuckle. Simon and Mal just look confused.

"Are we missing something here?" Simon asks Kaylee.

"Can't tell you yet...our job was to keep you both preoccupied.

"What do you mean preoccupied?" Mal asks with a hint of wariness in his voice.

"Don't get upset Mal." Inara says as she loops her arm with his.

"Why would I get upset, I just asked where..." but before he can continue the color drains from his face and he looks ready to faint. Simon seems to catch on at the same moment and his eyes seem to bulge out of his head.

"No, no, no, NO! That is wrong on so many levels..." Mal says as he buries his face in his hands.

"This is what going insane feels like." Simon says as he just looks around like he's dreaming.

XXX

AN: I figured that River would tell the ladies of Serenity her plan...and there would need to be a group effort to distract Mal and Simon. Hope you all enjoyed this little fic. =)


End file.
